GODS OF EGYPT

There are films that are so bad they're good and then there are films that are so bad they're just bad. Gods of Egypt very much falls into the latter because it really is just an awful film. Weirdly, I'd been anticipating this film for a while and it's finally arrived in the UK, a whole four months after its release across the pond.

Although I'd heard nothing but bad things about Gods of Egypt, I was always keen to see for myself whether it was actually that bad. Alex Proyas, the director of this film, came out in defence of his work and described modern day critics as 'diseased vultures pecking at the bones of a dying carcass' back when the film was originally slated by critics who got to see this total mess four months ago.

Here I would normally give a brief rundown of the plot however, due to the scattershot nature of this film's plot, I will try my best to keep it as brief as possible. 

Betrayed and exiled by his uncle Set (Gerard Butler), Horus (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) is a god who was to be crowned the new King of Egypt. Under Set's reign, Egypt descends into chaos and human Bek (Brenton Thwaites) takes it upon himself to find Horus and persuade him to return and defeat Set to regain his rightful place as the King of Egypt.

I can't stress enough just how embarrassing every aspect of this film is. For starters, there is not one actor who gives anything resembling a good performance, whether it be Gerard Butler as Set or Geoffrey Rush, yes Geoffrey Rush, as Ra. I've never really been majorly impressed with Nikolaj Coster-Waldau in Game of Thrones and he does nothing that could possibly change my mind in Gods of Egypt.

Elodie Young is in the same boat in the way that she never impressed me too much in Daredevil and she's not very good here either. The worst of the bunch though has got to be Brenton Thwaites as Bek, who has more or less the same delivery for every emotion; utterly emotionless.

Then comes the writing...

Matt Sazama and Burk Sharpless are a writing duo who haven't written a well received film yet in their three attempts. This is the only film of theirs I've seen and if this is anything to go by, I will be avoiding Dracula Untold and The Last Witch Hunter. The dialogue is so laughably bad throughout the entire film and the story jumps from scene to scene with no cohesion whatsoever. I don't think I've seen a film where I've laughed at nearly every single line before.

Alex Proyas, judging from his comments about critics, is not a man who can take any criticism lightly. I would be able to describe Proyas as a style over substance director if the visuals were any good but they just aren't. For a film with a $140 million budget, you'd think they'd at least be able to make it look good. It makes me wonder whether they just blew all of the budget on the cast. Gods of Egypt feels like you're watching someone play a shoddy video game rather erratically, particularly during the fight scenes where Peter Menzies Jr.'s cinematography will leave you dizzy and wanting the sick bucket.

Are there any positives I can take from Gods of Egypt? Marco Beltrami's score was probably the best thing about this film and oh, the film did finish eventually which was a bonus. I felt exhausted as I left the cinema because the film is far too long at just over two hours, it becomes a chore to watch, especially when going in to the cinema thinking it was going to be just an hour and a half long.

As of now, Gods of Egypt has surprisingly made a profit on its budget. Not a profit the studio would be hoping for though, coming in at a measly $2 million. Sounds stupid to say that's a measly amount however, in today's market, that's an amount that could well see careers end. 

Verdict: ★